i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
