Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Randomize
