I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
