if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
TRY TO UNDERSTAND I HAVE MAGIC POWERS HOLY FUCKING SHIT
Randomize
