I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
