How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
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