i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
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