i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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