She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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