Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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