Apparently mid blow job I started crying telling her how "Wonderful this blow job is"
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Randomize
