Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
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