Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
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