I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
Randomize
