i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
