sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
