I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
