Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
