i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
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