What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
Randomize
