I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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