I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
I fell asleep on the table at Denny's. Told the waitress to wake me up when my burger was there.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
Randomize