I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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