My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
