never play flip cup with pint glasses
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
