I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
i'll llet you know if at any point this night starts to make any sense
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
