I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize