My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Randomize
