Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
The beer is more important than you right now.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
