She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
