I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
two words...techno handjob
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
Randomize
