a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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