I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
dinner is belligerent. she just poured the rest of the pitcher of margaritas into a take home box. people are staring.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
Randomize
