Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
