You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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