moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Nothing like a Mormon bachlorette party to make you feel slutty
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
