I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Is this the point in which we come to terms with our lesbianism or is that after you send me more ass pics...
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
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