watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
