the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
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