well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I'm waiting at the bar and am surrounded by unattractive women.
You need to get here and rebalance this disturbance in the force.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
Randomize
