did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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