I showed him my bush... on skype.
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
