you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i black out too much to be "responsible"
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
