giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
Gay?
German.
Pity.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
