Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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