guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
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