Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Randomize
