All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
