You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
I just gargled with NyQuil
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize