I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
