I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
2020 sucks, I want a refund
Randomize
