youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Randomize
