i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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