hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
That's when you crack a 10am beer
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
