There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
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