i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
