Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
