One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
