my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
