he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
WHY AREWNT YOU HERE SO MUCH FUN STUFF DO IT GET IN CAR NOW caps lock
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
