Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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