Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Randomize
