Where are you?
In a non slutty way
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
Randomize
