we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
