on a scale of one to ten, how awkward would it i told him i had to go change my tampon and then left?
11
I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I got kicked out of an open bar wedding reception. The bride "felt threatened" by my presence. Not my fault she's ugly
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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