I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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