Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i got us presents. or arrested. we shall see!
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
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